I am Love(d), Always

 Still trying to find my way

My eyes search aimlessly while true north  pulls at my heartstrings
We all know where we need to go
The heart is the compass, our roadmaps lie right in front of us
Yet fear creates resistance to flow
I'm present with many but I'm looking behind the concrete, illusions of lost and alone
A crow, blacker than charcoal and lighter than a monarch
Calls for my focus
Back to the moment, they suggest with a firm assurance before leaving me back to my silence
Waiting to see if I got the message
I'm here, my truth reminds me
Effervescent, ever-present
I am love(d), always
My voice speaks without a word.

Uncharted Territories

 It was like the world started laughing again for a moment

Not necessarily through me for the time being, so the humor showed up in hummingbirds and songs on the stereo my neighbor was playing and people going about their business

I found my way back by getting lost for a bit

The moon was full, so a thought said "this is lunacy"

I knew to an outside observer the sight would be nothing less 

Going from giggling to frowning to staring off not so vacantly when there's no outside company can be concerning to people who don't understand

But it's how I keep my friends near when there's distance

I remember crying so hard I laughed 

When I asked to be basked in the presence of my soulmate

The feeling was almost as strong as the memory of the first time I fell into love

Except it was more like softly dropping into something unapologetic and consuming in the best way imaginable

Now I'm trying to break down walls and build fences so I don't get hurt playing in uncharted territories

Sometimes things are more beautiful from a distance

Sometimes I just want to explore.

The Way to Heal

She says come back to me, river running deep 

Let me be your ocean

Your peaceful night's sleep

Remember where you came from

Let yourself flow, love

Cry it out, take your course, and don't judge

I'll be your listening ear to your trickling rush

Your beauty that explains itself

You speak of the universal life 

That runs through everyone

You are connected to all, to Mother's veins

Which move with a wisdom learned from various pains

You are the same

Let me take a step back and decipher

Breathe into my heart what I'm trying to find through this

Passion through poetry

Freedom in art

I always thought raw emotion should precede the stanzas

Still, this seems mostly cerebral

Does this come from origins ethereal?

From a source I will one day get to remember?

Maybe this is the way to heal.

The Paramedic

 My heart is taking its rightful time to open

With the right amount of light I've been reaching for these days

Since the day I thought it was faulty

My mind has had no trouble letting you in

You looked at the proof printed out in front of you

Carefully studied the zigzagging lines like they were the world's shortest biography

And you said it was perfect

I had no idea

I was in pain, answering more of your questions

When your eyes reflected my worry with genuine concern that I can't remember seeing in eyes more familiar to me

I've wondered if that look was actually a collection of stories that made your own heart heavy over time, and I just happened to be a part of your newest one

If it came from a deeper understanding that not many people know about,

Or if it was as simple as empathy

Mirror neurons doing their jobs combined with good bedside manner

I might never know for sure

I guess it isn't fair

When it's someone's job to care

And when I've been known to project what I like to see

Untitled

Starlight found in the black nights

Sunshine pouring in through the long cries

Overwhelming joy in the future daydreams

Bittersweet remnants soaking in through the cracks of past memories

Desperation for renewal

The need to turn my chemistry back 15 years

When neurotransmitters were ignited by the smell of summer barbecues

When I'd laugh at the drop of a hat and moments never felt misused

I wonder if I find more comfort in a past that's already behind me

Or in a future that doesn't exist

Except it's here in my mind

And it feels like inverted nostalgic bliss

Hold me in this moment so I can feel the oxytocin flood my brain

And welcome in a new life

Almost like a chance to start over

To be restored, awakened; childlike

If I haven't met you yet

Then find me someday walking beside the waters

Befriended by those loyal, towering trees

It is there you will truly know me

My Courage, My Compass

Here we are, together in our safe place

We met in a daydream within a day dream

Resting in our embrace on the forest floor

Surrounded by faithful pines filtering in just the right amount of daylight

You are the right conditions for my growth

As I simply sit here in your arms

You sing me back to life

You know your limits but you don't take the moment too seriously

So it's allowed

Your voice, humble smile melodic

Missing notes, perfectly you stumble

I enjoy the humanity you offer as you rejuvinate in mine

You are a small man of five foot three

Your face humble like your voice, it's exactly what I need

Framed by a carefree mop of burnt sienna hair

Your humility is your grace

You are the night watchman of my subconscious

My heart's compass, my Animus 

You move me into a life of adventure

In my worlds between awake and asleep

One day, not too far off, we meet face to face

You look different now

The man from my mind has matured into

Tall, hard working, and conventionally handsome

Maybe we're in another life

You go to bed before the sun sets

And wake up before it rises

We have a simple life of obligations

In between work and sleep

We run off together

Sneaking around and boarding afternoon trains

We meet with other free spirits to discuss radical ideas

As alike as we are in our rebellion, we are truly opposites

You're a Republican with a type A personality

And I'm wearing a long skirt and sleeveless shirt in Earth tones

As usual I come without plans

You are the structure to my flow

I am the listening ear to your speeches

As I look up at you in your glory

David Kushner plays in the background of my thoughts

I put in my two cents

And you turn them into millions

I would say I'm starstruck, except for the fact that you know how to keep me grounded

You are my courage

You leave me with one last memory

We stand up on a moving train

Facing each other and smiling

Playing and marvelling at the fabric of my dream falling apart with its nonsensical physics

And then I wake up

Feeling refreshed and aspiring to be courage

Just like you

Minus the right wing political views

Distant Promise

Lone star blazing in the sky

Motion picture signal tower lights

I love it when the Day meets Night

Even when my body leaves my mind

Twilight in-between state

This haze leaves no room for hate

I fall humble

To the white rabbit running late

My eyes were too far apart this morning 

My brain gave me fair warning

So I ground myself in the steps I take

Down Seventh Street, and sit in the grass

Looking up at the lone star

And the tower's red light

Blinking in and out of existence 

Signaling and receiving

As I understand the meaning,

A wish floats by

So I grasp it for a moment

And send it off with love

That blazing promise up above

Is even more distant than the world around me

But...

I can still have faith in what I see