Too Many Questions

I might have a bit of an Ego

But I think it's for the right reasons

I try to make amends by white knuckling life, scheming for better outcomes, and cheating destiny

Or being destiny?

I can no longer tell

I might be a bit of a Narcissist

Just remember I'm another facet of a Creator gone fucking mad

I'm doing my best

Is that an illusion?

Am I still just an unconscious puppet of my Subconscious?

How can I truly know?

Maybe my attempts are fruitless

Maybe I'm just another cringe fest

Confusing themselves for a Hero

Where is my self awareness?

Do I have too much or not enough of it?

Does the question answer itself?

Am I just another snake eating its own tail?

I feel like social interaction is a fun house

And my reflection keeps getting distorted

It's a game and I was never good at chess

Everyone wants to play and I keep flipping the board

On purpose and by mistake

But that's just faulty DNA

Everyone believes in eugenics until their own genes are at stake

Now I don't know where I stand

I'm back to the drawing board, trying to figure out my own plans

Instead of everyone else's agendas against me

Real or imagined

Destructive or supportive

Either way I'm moving forward

Accepting my shortcomings as much as my blind spots

That's the idea anyway

Embracing the shadow is hard

When the light doesn't understand dark

I'll do my best

Or at least try to

Untitled

I see wounds turn into scars turn into goblins

I hear pleas turn into screams turn into echoes from long lost memories

I feel my heart pound in response to lies and truths alike

And now instead of being frantic I've learned the stoic fight

I know this soldier is me because it simply had to be

I see resonance, I see smiles, I witness eyes lighting up

I hear laughter and kind words and humorous stories being told

I feel...almost a sense of ease follow the tension

Close to letting go of apprehensions

Temporarily

I know there is hope because I've experienced beauty boldy declared in silence and in notes

I see words, I hear feelings, and I feel what hasn't been spoken

I am shadow, I am suppression, I am you

Free, whole, and unbroken

We Are the Fae

I forgot how to write poems

Is that when you make your best attempt at translating the unexplainable into a distorted image someone can enjoy for a moment

Thinking they caught a glimpse of your humanity?

Or is it when you remember, for a moment, what life always was

Or when you let the writing remind you?

It doesn't happen often anymore

But when it does

Different seasons carry distinct smells, nightfalls, and atmospheric conditions for outer worlds to turn inward

By meeting me where I am and reaching me

Temporarily

Judgement falls away

Pretenses stop existing

And we're allowed to be with each other 

The lights are on

The currents are running

And everything that is real comes into being

Yes, including the Fae

And the income taxes

And everything in between

Isn't this where we all came from?

Before confusing ourselves for 

Pineal gland calcification

Synaptic pruning

And chemical imbalance?

Before confusing our world for chaos, sickness, and ruin?

We are emanations of Nature

We are waters flowing in their conscious, narrative, interactive forms

We are the Fae

And the Fae

Answer to no one

Remember

You confuse yourself for a stagnant pond

But you are a raging river that infinitely flows

Fills every space, reaches all receptive places on this earth

A melody that cascades into notes too high for the voice to reach

An electromagnetic spectrum beaming into colors the eyes are unable to see

You are what cannot be fathomed

Only felt

Experienced briefly before hiding again

I thought I built these barriers of brick, iron, and lead

I thought you did

But instead of you or me

It was life's way all along

Now you think what you are not

Is what you are

And as I run up against them

They give me pause.

And I realize for a moment

Maybe no one is at fault

But it isn't any less upsetting

I want to break them down more than I want to be immortal

Because mortal is not what we are

We are

Echoes, ripples, and beautiful consequences

Cell division, destruction and creation

Unspeakable paradise waiting to be explored

We are silent explosions of the invisible

Waiting to be discovered

We are way more than this

Why can't you.

Why can't I.

REMEMBER.