The Paramedic

 My heart is taking its rightful time to open

With the right amount of light I've been reaching for these days

Since the day I thought it was faulty

My mind has had no trouble letting you in

You looked at the proof printed out in front of you

Carefully studied the zigzagging lines like they were the world's shortest biography

And you said it was perfect

I had no idea

I was in pain, answering more of your questions

When your eyes reflected my worry with genuine concern that I can't remember seeing in eyes more familiar to me

I've wondered if that look was actually a collection of stories that made your own heart heavy over time, and I just happened to be a part of your newest one

If it came from a deeper understanding that not many people know about,

Or if it was as simple as empathy

Mirror neurons doing their jobs combined with good bedside manner

I might never know for sure

I guess it isn't fair

When it's someone's job to care

And when I've been known to project what I like to see

Untitled

Starlight found in the black nights

Sunshine pouring in through the long cries

Overwhelming joy in the future daydreams

Bittersweet remnants soaking in through the cracks of past memories

Desperation for renewal

The need to turn my chemistry back 15 years

When neurotransmitters were ignited by the smell of summer barbecues

When I'd laugh at the drop of a hat and moments never felt misused

I wonder if I find more comfort in a past that's already behind me

Or in a future that doesn't exist

Except it's here in my mind

And it feels like inverted nostalgic bliss

Hold me in this moment so I can feel the oxytocin flood my brain

And welcome in a new life

Almost like a chance to start over

To be restored, awakened; childlike

If I haven't met you yet

Then find me someday walking beside the waters

Befriended by those loyal, towering trees

It is there you will truly know me