When I'm finally left alone
I take a breath of fresh air
I'm now a free former captive
No longer suffocated by vacuums of walking despair
Cages of barbed wire I'm forced to sit in
While I try to pretend the door is open
The wires dig into my flesh, drag across my skin,
And trap me with their presence
I used to have a lock pick that broke into social norms with laughter
But now I don't know how to stop my ears from bleeding
When I hear people talking it sounds like they're screaming
All life is precious, I know that for a fact
But I guess sacred messages aren't so easy to swallow
I have to wonder
Why did the sweet flavors of the human spirit turn into bitter ego
And when did the windows to these precious souls
Become barred down with expectations
It's hard to tell the difference between what is mine and what is theirs
I seem guarded but my feelings are in a glass display case
I'm angry for you when you sell your own voice for a lie
I go numb inside when I can see the rain run down your windows
It's confusing, not knowing what is theirs and what is mine
So all I can do is let my ears bleed onto this paper and...
Watch the blood dry
Wednesday, December 11, 2019
Act II
Sometimes when I walk down the street
I notice my act isn't right
I trip, stumble, and forget my lines
The world is my stage
The sun a friendly spotlight burning with desire to follow me
With a glow as loud and as bright as my social anxiety
Am I the actress playing the jester, the angry clown who got hopped up on too much, but not enough serotonin?
Or am I hiding backstage so my evil eyes don't betray my intentions
By melting cold smiles into disapproving frowns?
I would walk 10,000 miles up to the peak of Mount Dopamine
Just to make sure my ups would last longer than my downs
Downs that plummet so far they make me wonder if the valley is the only way out
But now thanks to the strength I've gained from these hikes, my thank you's aren't filled with the same spikes of poisonous barbs that grew from the idea that...
I'm not good enough for compliments
Now I'm great enough for standing ovations
But what if this vacation is the only one we've got?
What if the coals below our feet only burn hot to prepare us for the inevitable?
Hell fire spun from a cynical antagonist who plays the character of the somber man who can't discipline his children?
I guess
I fear
That we'll find out when the show is over
I notice my act isn't right
I trip, stumble, and forget my lines
The world is my stage
The sun a friendly spotlight burning with desire to follow me
With a glow as loud and as bright as my social anxiety
Am I the actress playing the jester, the angry clown who got hopped up on too much, but not enough serotonin?
Or am I hiding backstage so my evil eyes don't betray my intentions
By melting cold smiles into disapproving frowns?
I would walk 10,000 miles up to the peak of Mount Dopamine
Just to make sure my ups would last longer than my downs
Downs that plummet so far they make me wonder if the valley is the only way out
But now thanks to the strength I've gained from these hikes, my thank you's aren't filled with the same spikes of poisonous barbs that grew from the idea that...
I'm not good enough for compliments
Now I'm great enough for standing ovations
But what if this vacation is the only one we've got?
What if the coals below our feet only burn hot to prepare us for the inevitable?
Hell fire spun from a cynical antagonist who plays the character of the somber man who can't discipline his children?
I guess
I fear
That we'll find out when the show is over
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